


my heart is in new york city

by ericaismeg, foxerica (ericaismeg)



Series: rare ships [34]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Caring Derek Hale, F/M, Insecure Lydia Martin, Light Angst, Lydia-centric, Post-Break Up, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 21:09:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5943169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ericaismeg/pseuds/ericaismeg, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ericaismeg/pseuds/foxerica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Derek,” she whispers.</p><p>“Lydia, what are–” Derek stops talking. He takes a moment to <i>really</i> look at her. His eyes slowly dip down and then back up, meeting her eyes again. “What the hell are you wearing? And your <i>hair…”</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	my heart is in new york city

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on [tumblr.](http://foxerica.tumblr.com/post/138448769977/my-heart-is-in-new-york-city-lydia)

Lydia bites down on her lip, an old habit from a different lifetime. She doesn’t want to admit she’s afraid, doesn’t want to admit that she’s about to embark on an adventure she’s not sure she’s ready for, and she sure as hell doesn’t want to admit that she doesn’t really know what she’s doing. She can’t stay still; she taps the train ticket in her hand against her side. Her mind whispers that this is a mistake, but when the doors to the train open, she steps on.

She finds a seat at the top of the train, settling down by a window. She pulls her feet up onto the seat across from hers, putting the bag at her side. It’s an empty train, so she can take up a section of four seats without feeling guilty. She adjusts the headphones in her ears and looks out the window.

She was never supposed to end up _here,_  doing  _this._  That wasn’t part of her ten-year plan. Hell, if any of her friends had known that she’d thrown everything she had worked so damn hard for out the window like this…they wouldn’t recognize her.

It’s just…she’d been sitting in that board meeting, listening to her coworkers argue and fight for a cause she no longer cares about. She used to be the girl who didn’t give a shit what people thought of her. She used to _rule_  the halls in high school. Of course, the rules are different out here in the real world. But she doesn’t think she has to be so miserable.

Lydia had used to be confident. She’d been fearless. She used to go after what she wanted without looking back at the rubble she left behind. Somehow, she’d lost that part of her. She didn’t even _notice._  Slowly, she’d started to fade. No longer does she need to be the center of attention.

She catches her reflection in the window, when the light hits it in a certain way. Her lips part. How had she let it get this far? She tentatively touches her hair. God, she had wanted that promotion _so badly_  and had even dyed her hair brown because her asshole boss had commented that her strawberry blonde hair was so dull.

 _Dull._  Her. _Dull._  She can hardly believe it.

Tears threaten to escape, and she doesn’t find herself wanting to fight them. She’d gone from being a fashion trendsetter to someone who wore boring suits and blended in with every other person at the office. She’d tried so hard to be someone, she’d become a nobody.

Lydia inhales deeply and closes her eyes. The tears slip through and she doesn’t bother to wipe them away. She’d barely put on makeup anymore. Her boss liked his women more “natural” and she hadn’t even known that she’d started to leave the bold looks behind. She had tried _so_  hard to impress her misogynistic boss; had gone against everything she’d once stood for.

It was all for nothing. Lydia had been passed over for the promotion. It hadn’t upset her. She had left the meeting feeling empty and confused. _Why_  hadn’t she cared? She had more of a right to that position than Audrey from the third floor. Yet she hadn’t.

And here she is, on a train from Los Angeles to New York City. She would’ve flown, but the flight would’ve only given her five hours to think about what she’s going to _say_  when she gets there. At least the train gives her three days. She saved fifty bucks too.

Lydia sniffs, unaware that she had started to cry harder. She tries to even out her breath, but it just gets shakier. She leans her head against the window and thinks that maybe even three days on this train wouldn’t be enough time to figure out what the hell she’s doing.

 

❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀

 

She transfers in Chicago with tear-stained cheeks two days later. Somehow, she hadn’t been able to stop herself. She’s not sure what she’d even be going back to if she did decide to turn around.

When she settles into a new seat, she has to sit against the window with three people surrounding her. She charges her phone only to see how many missed notifications she has. Lydia turns it off, tucks it into her pocket, and closes her eyes again.

Nineteen hours, fifty minutes and then she’d be standing in New York City.

The words haven’t come to her yet.

How can she ever fix the mess she’s made?

 

❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀

 

“Thank you,” Lydia says to the cab driver. She hands him two twenties and takes a deep breath. She stands alone on the sidewalk with her purse, gym bag, and small suitcase. She’d almost expected it to be raining to match her mood, but instead it’s a cool fall evening.

Lydia figures she can’t back out now. She’s here. It took her three days to get here. Taking the first step is the hardest, and by the time she’s up the stairs and standing on the porch, she’s sure she’s running on autopilot. This isn’t her. This isn’t her. _This isn’t her._

She presses the buzzer.

The longest moment of her life passes.

She almost turns, but then–  _“’ello?”_

“It’s Lydia,” she says. It’s more like a soft whisper. She’s not even sure she could be heard over the microphone.

_Buzzzzzzz._

She opens the door and makes her way down the hall. She starts up the stairs, and somehow, it gets easier. The knot in her chest starts to loosen once she reaches the familiar door. Her lips curve slightly, because this is it.

This is why she left everything behind.

This moment, right here, is going to change her entire life.

Lydia lets go of her suitcase handle and knocks.

He stands there, wearing a pair of slightly-too-snug sweatpants, and no shirt. His hair is a mess, like he’d just woken from a deep sleep. His eyes are sleepy, despite how wide they get when they see her.

“Derek,” she whispers.

“Lydia, what are–” Derek stops talking. He takes a moment to _really_  look at her. His eyes slowly dip down and then back up, meeting her eyes again. “What the hell are you wearing? And your _hair…_ ”

She gives him a strangled laugh and rushes forward, dropping her gym bag and purse on the floor. She wraps her arms around his waist and buries her face into his chest. It takes him a second or two before he embraces her back.

She’s crying now, but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t care because she’s _home._  She’s right where she’s supposed to be. Lydia wipes her tears now and she looks up at him with a smile breaking out across her face.

“Fuck, I missed you.”

He smiles warmly at her, kissing her forehead before saying, “I missed you too. Why are you here?”

“I was wrong.”

She gathers her stuff as he opens the door to let her into his place. She looks around. God, how she loved this little hole in the wall apartment. They had fought over it so many times. He wanted to give her more than this place, had wanted to give her the whole world, but she didn’t need more. She knew that now.

He shuts the door, locking it carefully, and studies her. “What did you do with my Lydia?”

 _My Lydia._  She lets the words echo in her mind. How many nights had she sat in that stuffy office wishing he’d call her that again? She puts her hand to her lips, trying to grasp her emotions.

"I turned into a nobody without you, Hale,” she responds. Her voice cracks a little, but she doesn’t care.

He shakes his head. “You never were a nobody, Lydia.”

She smiles lightly and nods. “I know it’s been three years but I was really hoping you didn’t still hate me?”

“I never did,” Derek responds. He waves towards his couch. She frowns. It’s not unusual that Derek replaced his shitty old couch. It’s only unusual that he replaced it with the exact same one she’d found in a magazine and dog-earred the page. “What brings you home?”

 _Home,_  she thinks. Like she had never left. Like she could always come back. 

“They passed me up for the promotion I was basically promised when I left…here,” Lydia says. She rubs her neck softly and exhales. Derek’s face falls because he understands how hard it was for her to leave.

“I’m so sorry,” Derek says.

“I just…I didn’t even _care,_  Derek. I packed up my entire life here, my life _with you,_  and I didn’t look back. I thought it was what I wanted. All for a job that I didn’t even _get.”_  Lydia scoffs, not quite ready to believe it herself. She shrugs, tears in her eyes. “I gave it all up for _nothing.”_

“Lydia.”

"I know you didn’t wait for me, and I can’t expect you to have. I just…I made a mistake. I know it was three years ago. I know that we’ve changed, we’ve grown, we’ve experienced so much without each other. But I quit my job on Monday. I quit, and packed my bags, and got on a train. I didn’t even tell my friends I was leaving. I just… _left._  All for the hope that maybe, maybe we could be friends again or something?” Lydia asks. She’s never felt quite so vulnerable before. Her breathing is shaky at best.

Derek smiles at her, as if that’s the best news he’s heard all year. He takes a few steps towards her. With a gentle touch, he pulls her in for another hug. “Of course, Lydia. Anything for you. Anything.”

She feels the tension start to really leave her body now. She doesn’t know what she’s doing. She doesn’t really have a game plan. But she’s with Derek and for now, that’s enough.

“First things first,” Derek says when he pulls away. “We need to go buy you hair-dye and you need to shower. Then we’ll tell your friends you’re okay.”

Lydia laughs. “You still don’t know the first thing about hair, do you? I can’t just dye my hair back to strawberry-blonde from brown. I’ll have to bleach it first, probably. It’s a long process. I’ll make a hair appointment or something.”

Derek puts his finger underneath her chin and tips her face up. “Good. Because, Lydia, I’m sorry if no one told you this…but brown is _not_  your colour. Your mermaid hair is a _much_  better look.”

“It’s not really mermaid–” she starts, but he cuts her off with a look. She beams. “Thanks, Derek. I’d love a shower.”

“You know where the towels are,” he responds.

She does.

 

❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀

 

“Are you seeing anyone?” Derek asks, his back to her as he stirs the pasta sauce in the pan. Lydia looks up from the table, setting her book down with her finger holding the page.

“No, of course not. Um. Are you?” she asks. She’d wanted to know since she’d arrived two weeks ago. He hadn’t mentioned anyone, but sometimes he’d go out without telling her where he was off to. She didn’t ask, because he’d tell her if he wanted to.

It’d been nice, being here again. Her hair was starting to look more like herself. She had dumped most of her makeup and bought some new stuff. Derek had taken her shopping last weekend because he was tired of seeing her in the same four outfits. He wanted her to feel good. He spent over five hundred dollars on her. She had tried to refuse, but he’d kissed her nose and said something about her smile being payment enough.

Her friends were mostly happy that she’d gone back to New York, to Derek. They didn’t like the sudden impulsive way she went about it - Allison made sure she knew that was very particularly upset not knowing whether she was okay - but overall, she was happy. Allison even admitted that Lydia hadn’t seemed like herself since joining them in L.A.

 _“My heart is with Derek,”_  Lydia had whispered to Allison on the phone. She had looked down the hall from the kitchen to see Derek step out of the bathroom with only a towel on. He smiled at her before walking into his bedroom. Lydia hadn’t heard much of whatever Allison had said after that.

“I was,” Derek responds, his tone careful. “But I’m not anymore.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Lydia answers, hoping it sounds genuine and not full of relief.

Derek gives her a smirk. “I know you’re not. And I know you’re still adjusting to being back in the city, to being unemployed, and homeless, but I’m hoping you’ll decide to stay here a little longer.”

Lydia lips part. She smiles at the back of Derek’s head before saying, “I think I might do just that. If you, you know, _quit_  reminding me of how much I’ve failed in the past month.”

Derek snorts. “You’ve hardly failed, Lydia. You took a chance, it didn’t pan out, and here you are. You’re like a phoenix - you’ll rise again.”

She ducks her head back into her book and doesn’t put it down again until Derek places a plate in front of her. She inhales deeply and murmurs, “Fuck, Hale, didn’t I used to say that I’d marry you for your cooking skills alone?”

“Yeah, but I always hoped you’d marry me for more reasons than that,” Derek answers easily.

She laughs, feeling lighter than she has in years. “Don’t worry. If we ever get hitched, it’ll be because I want the whole package. Because I want you no matter what, no matter when, no matter where.”

Derek face breaks out into a bright smile and Lydia wonders how many times she can get him to smile like that. “You know I bought you an engagement ring before you got the job offer.”

Lydia’s eyes meet his. She swallows. “You…you did?”

He shrugs. “Yeah. I thought maybe you’d want to get married to me. But when the offer came up…you couldn’t refuse it. It was your career.”

“I never wanted to be the girl who chose some guy over my job. But Derek, you weren’t _some guy.”_

“No?”

She shakes her head.

“What would you have said if I had asked?” Derek asks her.

“Yes,” she whispers. She’s not sure she’s breathing anymore, her chest is so tight. “I would’ve said yes.”

Derek smiles, but it’s more bittersweet this time. “That would’ve been nice. I think I would’ve liked being married to you.”

Lydia lets out a small laugh. “Would you have married me for my good looks?”

"Like you, if we were to ever get hitched, it would be because I want the whole package. Because I want you no matter what, no matter when, no matter where.”

 

❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀

 

Spoiler alert: they get hitched.

 

❀ ✿ ❀ ✿ ❀

**Author's Note:**

> come cry with me about derek/lydia [here.](http://www.foxerica.tumblr.com)


End file.
